overwhelmed 😢

I'm just so overwhelmed, very emotional. Thinking about my ex I had sex the other day that was supposed to been meaningless. And I hate that my mom, sister and step dad have to share our place with "meth heads". Every time I try to talk to someone new I push them away... And my cousin, we've been kinda distant later and she was my "go-to"... Tonight the first night I cried in such a long time, I've been dealing with depression and self harm for 2 years I thought I was getting better... But tonight I just want to self harm... Advice??...