pregnancy and depression

I'm currently four months pregnant. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember, and was finally doing better and on a good medication that was helping. When I got pregnant my doctor told me anti depressants can cause birth defects so I had stopped taking them. With the amount of hormones and emotions I felt different of course, I had bad days and good days. But I've come for support from this group because it's gotten bad. I honestly feel horrible, I want to die again. I feel more depressed now than I ever have, and I need someone to tell me it will be okay. I have no support no friends I feel so alone and vulnerable, I just really need some help. Please.