So close to giving up!

OK so TMI post here, but I need some input. AF is due to show her stupid, ugly self in three days. Today I am 12DPO and Glow told me to take a pregnancy test, so I battled with myself on waiting because I can't stand to see another negative test. Well, I have in and thought "what the hell is one more." You guessed it, it was negative. I had to leave my house, go for a drive and clear my head. I want to cry. WHY is it so hard for baby number 3? I've had two with no other issues conceiving whatsoever. I'm stumped. Anyhow, I went to the bathroom today and when I checked my cervix (I know you can't use this to determine pregnancy) it was so far up I could barely touch it, I could tell it felt firmer but have no clue if it's open or closed. I checked it 4 days ago and while it was still high then, I could tell it was "high, med, med." Yesterday and today I can barely touch it. Then, a few minutes later I had to go pee, wiped and got this......TMI pic sorry, but I NEVER have this three days before AF comes.....anyone been through this and get a BFP?