OMG hemorrhoids!

Jenny
Holy crap you guys. I'm 26 weeks and experiencing the worst pain of my life!! Never had a hemorrhoid until Saturday. It's now Monday night and it's awful awful awful. I can't walk, sit, pee, laugh, sneeze, bend down...u name it...without feeling bad pain. I've tried it all. Epsom salt warm soaking, witch hazel, ointments, Vicks rub...im dying! On top of it, I have a desk job and had to sit all day and it was torture!! 
Has anyone gotten these yet? I know it's common during pregnancy but no one warned me how bad they were. 
And yes my diet includes a lot of fiber, fruits, vegetables and water including Miralax when I need extra help...I think this happened bc I got a stomach bug last week and had some (TMI) diarrhea. 
I just need to be put in a coma for like a week or until this gets any better.