The idea is that while thea idea of us having a baby is quite exciting and I do love my husband tremendously, I am also scared of ttc. first of all, the idea of putting pressure on us is really putting me ofd (having sex on specific days, knowing it has a purpose rather than just celebrating our love for each other). Second of all, pregnancy is scary shit- especially late term and birth. Third, and as selfish as it sounds,...I love our relationship the way it is- we are independent people, used to doing many things just the two of us- we are both avid climbers and snowboarders, used to taking off when we want. My husband feels that having a baby will not impair that much (we are getting a van in order to travel as much as possible) but I am scared that my dislike for having others mess with our dynamic will sort of impact the baby. 

I am actually happy about turning into a family and not just being a couple but Im also overwhellmed by the reaponsibility a baby brings. A good friend of mine that has recently had a baby has told me that she and her husband are much stronger couple than before now post baby and I can understand why- but they are completely different to us. 

Maybe I am just too used to being the two if us after 16 whole years of a great life and relationship... its really scary to have such conflicting feelings- something between joy and excitement and anxiety.... please tell me I am not the only one!