My thoughts

I just want to vent a bit:

So my fiance is much older than me so he has done quite a lot in his life. He was in the military for 10 years, had two failed marriages and he is a guy (lol)

I felt slightly down that I'm not so much his first in anything, I'm not his first time having sex, I'm not his first wife or his first love. He has seen quite a lot, both bad and good. Traveled a lot and has so many friends. While I barely have close friends, I was a virgin when I met him and i don't travel anywhere. Compared to him, I don't have so much experience.

However, we are currently TTC so I'm half proud/happy that I will be his first to carry his child, I am first partner that his mother loves (by what he says), shoot, all his family loves me. And I know for sure, I will be his last girlfriend, last fiance, and his only wife.

There might be some downside but the upside weighs so much more and i need to keep thinking all positive thoughts. We love each other so much and we are ready to start a family of our own.