Before I began, I'm going to let y'all know, I'm not doing this for attention. I'm just ranting and I feel like I have no one to understand me. I'm going to give y'all some information about me. I'm 19, I'm married and very happy with my life. Besides myself. The first picture will be me back in high school, I'd say age 16. The other picture was taken the other day. And I'm ashamed. I used to be about 170 pounds, but now I'm close to 260. It all started when my boyfriend at the time (husband now) got his license. Me and him were always out and about and we always ate out. Before this we used to walk all the time. We'd walk to town, trails, down the road to get have something to due. I started gaining weight like crazy, and I know they say once your happy your whole body changes. They weren't lying. I'm definitely over weight and I'm not happy. Please don't tell me to do something about it, because I'm trying. I just need to rant. I lost myself I believe. I used to do my hair all the time, I used to do my makeup and even dress better. But I haven't touched my straightener in over a year, haven't put makeup on at all. And I only wear sweats and tee shirts. I miss the way my hair looked, my hair is now short and gross looking. I've tried everything to grow my hair out, if you have any tips let me know! My makeup is actually better then it used to be. But it's still the fact that I don't do it. I lost a lot of friends due to not partying like I used to,so I think this had a lot of reasons why I gained weight. I look at girls now and I think I wish I was as pretty as her. Or had her body. My husband tells me I'm beautiful and I shouldn't worry what others think. He's right, but how do I actually love myself? It's so hard to. I love my thighs and my boobs. But that's about it. Because loving yourself is the most important thing. But idk how to do it. I struggle with this all the time. I look in the mirror and want to cry because I  let myself go. I miss the old me. The way I looked. But I feel like it's impossible to get the old me back....