So Upset
My boyfriend is going to be 36, and I will be 33. We have a son turning 2, and are welcome to having another baby "if it happens", but I've made it clear no more after I'm 35.
My period didn't return until my son was almost 16 months due to breastfeeding (he's 20 months now), and then was way irregular for the first 3 (pretty certain I wasn't even ovulating at that time). The last cycle I finally showed signs, but it didn't take. Last night I had a near solid positive for ovulation on my opk (even though I thought I ovulated 3 days ago). I was hopeful we would FINALLY get it this cycle, but near the end he pulled out and finished through anal sex.
I went right to the bathroom when he finished, angry that the one chance we probably had was completely wasted (his sex drive has waned, we only have it when he's up for it, and I can't tell him when I'm ovulating because he feels pressured and loses his ability to finish because of it). Now I have to wait another f*ing cycle in hopes he wants me on the right day again.
Every month feels like forever in this process now that my time is limited, and it feels like my patience is being tested over and over again because talking about my fertile window makes him anxious and withdraw. He wants to believe it will magically happen without any real tracking and effort though I've tried to explain it to him before that it's already a small chance to begin with and that our odds are best if we actually know and act on it when I'm ovulating since getting pregnant has always been harder for me to begin with. I just want to cry 😭
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