baby showers and abortions

Does anyone have a problem after their abortion --- I have triggers which include babies, children, mothers, and what nots. I went to my best friends baby shower and it has been a couple years since my abortion. I got home and wouldn't talk to my boyfriend. I have been sulking full of depression and honestly some jealousy too. I don't know how to cope, does anybody have any ideas or know what I'm going through too? much love 💖p.s. Please don't call me a baby killer or anything like that, it was four weeks and I was barely 18. :-( I just wasn't ready.