Before I get judged hear me out. Today I woke up after arguing with my boyfriend all night because he found out my mom helped my daughter mail her daddy a card and I didn't tell him. (We don't live together and he only talks to me when he feels like it so I just didn't feel the need to tell him) then he got mad because he found out I was in the middle of trying to set up a meeting time for visitation and I didn't tell him. (I planned on telling him when we had everything planned) my mom was the one that was going to drive her so after he bitched me out for trying to set up a time she decided to take over. (She had been busy because we were at a family reunion he didn't show up at until after it was over so I told her I would take some of the stress off her and set up the time and place so she wouldn't have to worry about it.) The whole time he was demanding to see my phone I showed him, nothing to my ex not about our daughter and he was bitching saying I deleted messages. After that he starts fussing saying "i know you slept with him because him and your brother both said you did" (talking about my brothers best friend I want nothing to do with because he's a meth head) he said he didn't care how much I denied he he knew I was lying about it because I lie all the time (I didn't tell him one person I was texting to 2 years ago while I was talking to him because he was screaming at me and I told him i would tell him when he was acting less like a child)

^that was last night^

Today I woke up to text messages from my boyfriend "did you really go to bed or are you talking to someone else" after I told him at 130 AM that I was going to bed so I can take care of my daughter until her daddy comes to get her (I suffer from chronic depression and ptsd and I'm off my meds so it takes a while to wake up). I told him when i woke up after my mom told me that the plan was to meet my ex at 1130 because today was my ex's birthday and eas5er and his girlfriend's family had a dinner planned and they wanted to see my daughter. Then head to my dad's an hour away so I could get my paperwork I have to turn in for housing and to check and see if my taxes came in. He then fussed about how I was the one who planned it and apparently I was the one that wanted to take my ex out because I KNEW my taxes came in. So my mom picked him up on the way there so we could show him we didn't have plans. The whole time he was fussing. Even until we meet my ex to drop off my daughter. "It was your idea to send him that card I know it" my mom said "I'm the one that paid for it and put the stamp on it it was her (my daughters) idea and I got it for her, she (me) had nothing to do with it" he responded "yea I know you're lying for her" well we were already half way there so mom just kept driving. Him fussing the whole time. He begins texting on the way up there and hiding his phone while he's texting. I ask him if I can see it and he said no, it was non of my business. He refused to give me the phone. He refused to tell me who he was talking to. He said "You never show me your phone and you never let me see who your talking to." I reminded him of last night. He said "that doesn't count you only showed me because you already deleted all the other messages" and saying "I never lied to you I never go caught hiding things from you"

We get to my dad's and i tell him I'll be right back. I wanted to talk more. So I find out I get my card in the mail and decide to activate it (walking outside multiple times to show him I was on the phone) so we can walk the 5 minutes to arbys so we can sit and talk without him screaming at me. I walk out after activating it and he's gone. I call to see where he is and he tells me "I went to arbys to get something to eat I got tired of waiting on you" i told him what I had planned and he got mad because "I don't like surprises I'm just going to walk back" I hung up I told mom I was walking there and I called my friend to see what size clothes her daughter wore because she didn't have money to buy her anything and she ran out of shoes and clothes that fit her. He runs into me so I hang up knowing he's going to cause shit and demands to know who I'm talking to and to see my phone. To avoid more conflict I show him and continue to walk. We get to arbys I order for me and NOT him and I continue to text my friend so I have it in text what I needed to order (I forget alot) and he stands behind me reading every bit of it. I call my mom and ask her if she wanted something for her or my brother and she said to get him something but she's ok (she was still at my dad's. She helped him clean while he was trying to print off the tax papers she needs) he gets mad "yea go ahead and blow all your money on everyone else without thinking of me" (while I was in my dad's I had already ordered him 2 shirts I thought he would like but I just kept it to myself) I tell him I'm walking to dollar tree if he wants to join me. "So I can see you spend money on people other than me?" I walk out of arbys after ordering for my brother without responding and I go to dollar tree across the parking lot. I go in get socks and baby wipes for the truck (My brother is autistic and very messy when he eats) and decide I'm 17 weeks pregnant now I'm going to get some bottles for the baby because I thought the sesame street ones were cute. He comes in and sees me getting the bottles. "Oh so you know we're having a boy and you wont tell me?" I tell him no I just thought they were cute. "Well they are boy colors so i know you're lying to me" I tell him "no they are blue for cookie monster, yellow for big Bird, and red for Elmo they are gender nutrual and I thought they were cute" I still ended up putting them back.

My mom picks us up at dollar tree and we ride with him fussing at me for a good 30 maybe 45 minutes. He takes out the heart shaped mints I bought him yesterday and throws them on the floor. Still fussing. So I pick them up and smash the tin of mints into his face. "I bought them for you damnit now stop treating me like shit already!" My mom pulls over in front of a gas station (we are going down the highway and there is only 1 building, the gas station, within 2 miles of us) to see what was going on. I respond "he wouldn't shut up and it was driving me crazy" he asks if he can get out and my mom says "Please" he looks at me and says "that was uncalled for" I told him "I know I shouldn't have waited this long"

EDIT

I know I shouldn't have hit him. And I'm not the type to hit anyone. At school I was shoved into lockers all the time. The reason I have PTSD is because my ex before my ex husband would push me into walls and refrigerators and if I didn't have sex with him he would find a way to drug me so he could have his way with me. (Boyfriend knows this because he used to be best friends with my ex and stopped talking to him after he admitted I was only 13 when he was 21 bragging to him some of things that he knew would make me stay and he didt want to be friends with someone "like that") while all of this went on I never laid a hand on anyone. I would hurt myself before hurting anyone else I was in the ER 3 times after trying to kill myself because of what my ex put me through because I thought I was better off being dead than leaving him