my experience

Maya • Mummy to Maya-Rose🌹Eighteen and a Cancerian♋️ 5 years strong with my boy💑
I miscarried on the 5th of march (6 weeks and 2 days ago), I was 1 day away from the 10 weeks mark. I started spotting and cramping on the 4th of march and went to the doctors the same day, he told me I was going to have a miscarriage and I didn't believe him I was in denial, that night I slept for only a few hours when I woke up at 11:00 pm I was bleeding all over my bed and my cramps got worse and worse as the hours went by, I jumped in the shower at 2:00am and sat on the  floor with the water running on my stomach and that did absolutely nothing for me but make me feel very uncomfortable, I then tried to lay down in my room and the cramps where happening faster and more painful, I woke up my boyfriend screaming in pain and he took me to the hospital, the whole way to the hospital I was screaming and crying my hands where going numb. I couldn't walk when we got to the hospital my legs where numb and the pain was unbearable It was like I was in labour and I was having contractions, they let me straight through and put me in my own soundproof room because I was too loud and the other patients where trying to sleep, they put me on a drip as soon as I got there and for the next 2 hours I was in the most excruciating pain it was honestly traumatising, I pushed out 1 blood clot the size of a golf ball then lots of half sized ones (I've always had blood clots during periods but never this big); the doctors then gave me morphine and I started to calm down I couldn't really feel anything after that I kind of felt glad it was over, The doctors then took me to have a internal ultrasound (they put a condom and lube on a long plastic stick like thing and insert it in your vagina to get a better look at your uterus), The featus was all out and I was not needing a D&C so they sent me back into my room where I rested for a few hours before going home. That day I did not know how to feel I was full of mixed emotions I couldn't believe what I had just experienced, the following weeks I sat in my room knitted, cried but didn't really speak or eat. 
No one ever told me how painful a miscarriage is because it's almost like taboo to talk about our miscarriage experiences probably because people don't want to talk about it probably because people don't want to hear it, we need to open up about this we can not save our angel baby's but we can save the other women from being so traumatised and scared from not knowing what the heck is happening to them and what is going to happen next. Everyone's miscarriage is different some are worse and some are not as bad as others. 
I pray you all don't have to go through this, I pray you all don't have to go through this again and I pray you all have your precious rainbow babies sooner or later ❤️