Not really feeling it.

I'm 12 weeks and 4 days along. I'm not all that excited. Which upsets me even more. Most of the time my SO repulses me. I'm always mad at him for no reason. He wants to shout it from the rooftops, and I'm kinda just like "when people find out, they find out." We've had 2 miscarriages before this. In between being pregnant, you couldn't keep me off of him. Now I just want to be away from him. All he wants is a healthy baby, my daughter (not his), and myself. I'm absolutely terrified she will end up hating me because my attention isn't hers all the time. I'm scared everything's gonna go to shit like it did with her biological dad, and that it'll be much harder to deal with because my SO actually wants a kid. I pray it's just hormones, and not my gut telling me to get out while I'm ahead. This is supposed to be an exciting time. Not anxiety-filled bull shit.