Selfish or not?

Question

My s/o's parents are very close friends with a couple, lets call them Bill & Tracey.

Bill & Tracey live an hour and a half away, so they don't see each other often, but talk multiple times a week.

Last night, they got a call from Tracey, saying Bill had cancer and was extremely unwell. Today they were informed that Bill had died.

Bill & Tracey's son recently joined the navy, and they thought it was unfair to tell anyone before their son (whom they couldn't get hold of), that Bill was dying, so even close friends & family didn't know until yesterday.

Do you believe this was selfish? Would you have done the same?

Answer

Not selfish in the slightest. The son should know before anyone else. If I were the son I'd be so hurt if everyone else knew before me

Answer

It's selfish of the people who think they deserve to know before children and immediate family.

Answer

I don't think it's selfish at all. The son should know first, in my opinion.

Answer

I understand them wanting to tell their son first. Usually people do that so the person doesn't find out from someone else and feel like they're "the last to know". I don't know how realistic it is that he would find out from someone else, but with social media these days, you never know.

Answer

definitely not selfish - their son should have been priority.
your SO's parents should try to understand the reasoning. yes they are close friends, but it's not like they were the only ones excluded from knowing.
i understand they might be hurt by bill and tracey but they did what they felt was right.
 
i'm so sorry for their loss of their friend bill, it's hard when you don't realize the last time you say goodbye was really the last time. i hope they find comfort in knowing he's no longer in pain

Answer

I would have waited till I could tell my son that way no one else would be able to tell him 1st this is her family and husband it was s their choice of anyone thought that they where selfish then they are not true friends and need to get a grip .

Answer

Well. I'm kind of in between. I wouldn't want the son hearing from anybody else. But I wouldn't want to stop anyone from seeing him before it's too late? I wouldn't want him to hear it in a letter but I don't know what else you would do at that point. Just wait it out.

Answer

I think it it's very selfish. I. Any other situation I can understand wanting to tell the son first, but you do that when you're actually able to. They weren't able to tell him, so they shouldn't have made others suffer due to that. It's a dire situation, you can't just sit around waiting because you want it to be perfect. Quite literally life of death, just get on with it and tell the people who matter since unfortunately, its not possible to tell the son first.

Answer

I don't think it's selfish at all. I think immediate family should know before anyone else. If one of my parents were to pass, or even one of my siblings, I would want to know before all our extended family found out. Could you imagine getting that call from a cousin or a family friend? "Hey, I just heard the news. I'm so sorry about so and so's passing." I wouldn't want to get that phone call and be in the dark about it.

Answer

Anybody voting yes is probabky a selfish person, and therefore has clouded judgement 🤷🏼‍♀️

Selfish or not?

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