At the age of 15 I met my high school sweetheart. We were the best of friends, everything about us together was so perfect until I fell pregnant at 17. That's when things started to go downhill, he would call me and text me constantly asking for me to get an abortion so much I actually called the abortion clinic to schedule to have it done. Well, my family doesn't believe in that because their saying goes, every life is a miracle; think of all the women out here who want kids but can't have them, you should be grateful God made you with this ability; all babies are rainbow babies, they are a miracle, learn from your mistakes but never punish the child for it. Part of that story, I carried my wonderful son to full term and delivered a healthy baby boy while me and his dad became enemies. Fast forward 4 years later; within this time frame I dated no one, I had lost hope and gained depression so bad I wrote 72 poems about sorrow, hurt, pain, loneliness, shame, and about how I was an embarrassment, until I came across someone so special, someone that made me feel as if I meant something to the world, here I was again with these unknown loving and unconditional feelings for someone who seemed so perfect for me, we walked, talked, laughed, and enjoyed so much time together, we were together for almost two years when I fell pregnant with my second child; now here's the thing I was smart enough to get on birth control and he was smart enough to use protection, but as my family stated if a miracle baby was meant to be here, he or she will be per God's will; well, the downfall? He was Puerto Rican and Indian and here I am this African American, so his words to me when I told him were, "I can't have a baby by a black girl, my family would be so ashamed of me, you have to get rid of it, I think you trapped me so you could have a mixed baby," Well Guys? I had never looked at him as someone different than anyone else. And his family never saw me different when I met them either. They were so loving and caring. What I saw was his heart, and what I thought was his soul! But those words he said hit me square in the heart like a canon ball, I cried and cried and I reverted back to this girl who was depressed and felt sad and alone, yet I had another wonderful healthy little boy who loved me so dearly; both of them. Ok fast forward to now another 4 years later, I am currently dealing with another break-up, with the man who I thought was the man of my dreams, we were in love, we had everything together, this time I had everything set, I had double the birth control, he used protection, there was no problem for the first year of 2016, towards the end of the year, he proposed to me and I said yes! I finally felt my life was changing for the better; this time we actually planned to have a baby together and although I told him not until after the marriage, I still fell pregnant 😒, WTF!!! But I didn't panic because when I told him he was overjoyed and ecstatic with so much love (Heads up, I knew all of their families, along with previous relationships so I have no clue as to why it happened to me; back to the story) until April 1st when I checked his Facebook account and noticed that he had a birthday party without an invite but told me he felt really sick on his birthday and was headed to the emergency room, (I am currently 35+1 weeks today by the way) now I am beyond pissed as I'm scrolling through the photos and I'm saying to myself that he needs to explain his self as soon as he gets here because he's not answering my phone calls or texts; BUT WAIT?!!!, I scroll to several photos of him in a photo with another girl, literally several photos of just them two together; but here's the part that caused me so much pain to the point I felt like I got hit with a wrecking ball, she's pregnant in the photos, and by the looks of it, looked as if she was due around the same time as me! I couldn't take it anymore, I cried and begged God to please tell me what I was doing wrong, this was the feeling I've had and question I had since that day. I've changed my number and he has been trying to contact me through social media begging and pleading and all I want to do is move on. I no longer have any self esteem, I don't feel as though one part of me is beautiful, how could I let them destroy my beauty, pride, and confidence, I ask God for it back everyday just so I can have enough strength again one day, but it must only be meant for me to live life alone. This is my story, this is me, I don't need anyone to shame me more than what I already am, I just needed to get this off of my chest as it was too much pressure to handle!