Question about eating out 😻

Okay so my ex is the only guy I've ever kissed/been with. In the beginning, he was really good at eating me out and could get me to finish that way. Same with fingering. But several months into it and all the way up until we ended things (6ish months), he could not get me to finish at all. I had to finish myself every time. When he would go down on me it would hurt, like he would suck SO freaking hard that it didn't even feel good or when he would finger me he pressed way too hard. Idk what changed. I would try to tell him to be gentler but he didn't listen. Anyways, I just want to know, is it the same for all guys??? Because girls in porn seem to be having such a great time when guys go down on them but for me it's just like....meh or it's PAINFUL. 😹