deep thoughts
That moment you wished he squeezed tighter when his hands were so firmly around your throat to get you to be quiet because you were screaming and begging for it to all stop. For the pain to just disappear. For that moment you want to close your eyes and not to ever have to open them again because you can't stand being a "disappointment" to your mother anymore all because you got in a bad situation and were punished for it. That moment you don't want to hear your mom yelling at you cause to her everything you do is wrong and you can no longer do anything right. That moment when suicide is the answer but you no longer want to attempt it cause 300 attempts is enough for you. The burning sensation of that lighter on top of your skin is no longer taking the pain or memories away. That moment when your trying to " get over" what happened to you but it's sewed in your brain and happiness is more scarier because ever since you have anxiety, depression, more vivid thoughts, you shake , you get scared easily, you build walls so nobody can ever get close to you. You act like your life is so perfect but inside you wish somebody would just understand every thing and make it all go away with simple little things they make the memories, the nightmares, the fears, the pain all disappear. Just one person. But you have too thick of walls for that to be possible so you live Day by day hoping somebody will just tear it all down and you can finally be happy after 6 miserable years. After 6 years of pain because of one mistake.
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