After months of tracking and trying for the daughter I've always wanted, I think I might have decided it's not what I want after all.

I have 4- and 8-year-old boys, and I'm 37. We said we were done a couple years ago and sold all of our baby stuff, but last fall I started thinking about the little girl I wanted and couldn't let go of it. After what seemed like a "sign" from the universe in the form of a perfectly timed fortune cookie we decided to give it a go---We're not getting any younger. And I have felt really disappointed with the negative pregnancy tests the last several months.

But tonight I babysat for my friend's 4-month-old baby. He was actually really good the whole time, but I left thinking I don't want to do this all over again. I don't want to start over. My kids are pretty self-sufficient and having to dedicate every waking moment to his little person who requires constant attention doesn't sound all that great anymore.

I hope I don't regret changing my mind, especially since it will likely be too late if I change it again.