need to vent

I'm posting this anonymously because I know I'm gonna get shit for it.... but me and my fiancé have been together 5 years. And it's been hard but we got through it... but since we had our little boy, things have been extremely hard between us... I've just been so broken and beat... and lately I've been having thoughts of cheating.. totally not gonna act on them.. I never would cause I know the pain. He's cheated before, but it's been years. But I hate having these thoughts. He's the only person I've had sex with.. and I'm hurt and I guess I just wanna get a taste of what else is out there.... like I said I'm totally not gonna act on it.. because that's who I am. But I love him so much and I hate having these thoughts. 😩💔 why am I thinking this way...??