loving him hurts too much

Does anyone else feel this way? almost scared to fully let love in because it hurts too much!m? I love loving him but it's hurts me. This love hurts me. it's makes me cry, mad and upset but with all these feelings, I still only feel love- the most over powering feeling. 

My heart is constantly attack. We don't speak and it kills me. I don't know what's going to happen next. I am distressed. I want out but want him. Loving him hurts me way too much but I love loving him. Is the hurt worth it? The long sleepless nights and tear stained pillow? The deadly silence and trying to shush away the what-ifs. It's this all worth it? 

To go through such hell, only to finally end up in heaven? If only I can last longer. If only I never fell in love. But even I love this love and the pain that comes with it, it's only a sacrifice I have to make, to be know the greatest love to ever exist. Once we are together my hell, hurt and pain will fade and will be replaced with love, joy, leave and content. I can't wait.