Is she a bad friend? Thoughts/opinions please

Question

*I never confronted this "friend" about either of the two situations below but everyone I told that I know personally or know her thinks it's very weird/she's not a good friend. I want to cut her off for a number of other reasons as well, but the screenshotting has me creeped out and worries me that she may have personal stuff I told her long ago saved.*

My friend and I were talking about our majors the other night and she said that I said mine isn't that great, which was something we used to joke about since many peope hate accounting. Believe me, I LOVE my major. This was at least 3 years ago that we joked about this. She got defensive when I said I never said that and then today she sends me an old screen shot of this text convo from at least 3+ years ago! I could tell it was the very old IOS software, meaning that she had it saved all this time. It was such an insignificant conversation just joking around I don't understand why she would screen shot it let alone save it all this time?? Which leads to my question, do you think she could be saving a lot of what I say? Personal stuff, secrets, shit talking??

So I used to like this guy and we began talking more/getting closer. My friend knew I liked him but I usually didn't bring him up since I feel she has jealousy issues. One day she asked if I still liked him so I explained that I did and also told her about how we were talking more and he invited me out for his bday. A few weeks, later he got into a relationship and since I don't have social media, a different friend showed me. I saw that my friend liked the status/pics of them so I know she knows he now has a gf. My problem is that it's been months now and she's never told me. I don't feel that's being a good friend at all. Randomly the other night she asked if I ever met his gf, which I said yes, but that was it. Since she's two years younger than us she made a comment about him liking the young ones or something like that and it kinda annoyed me considering she knew how I really liked him, yet she never told me and just joked about his gf the other night. What do you think about this situation? Thanks so much again for listening:)

Answer

If you don't want to be friends with someone then simply don't your the only one in control of your life

Answer

If she uses a screen shot of a conversation like that, she for sure saves everything of yours & plans on using it whenever it benefits her against you. SHES SHADY

Answer

Okay so I have a few things to say!

I have a family member who I don't like to associate with because of how often she lies. So when I am forced to conversate with her through text I screen shot everything. Just in case I need it to defend myself or to call her out on future lies. (Like she has told me and my MIL that her mom has cancer, or she has all these health problems such as diabetes and other stuff. Like huge lies and I found out she was lying about all of it.. And then she started trying to tell me things another family member would do and then I found out later it was her trying to start crap).

So I'm not saying you are a compulsive liar by no means but I think you have a right to ask why she screenshots.

Second of all you don't have to be friends or talk to her. And you aren't obligated to chat/text her. So if you don't like it just drop her.

Now I would be worried about her spilling personal information. I guess it depends on the type of person she is. Me for example I'd never spill the personal info that I've screen shot of my said family member. But I'd call her out on a lie in a heartbeat. Because I feel like she needs to know that it's not okay. Or If I ever need to show proof that she is telling lies about me.

Those are my thoughts..other than that one family member I don't screen shot other people's text.

Answer

She could have saved it because it was funny at the time and she looked at it occasionally to laugh and remember. Some of my friends and I do that, and we often even post them for posterity.

If it upsets you this much and she's been toxic to the degree that you don't want to be friends anymore, you don't have to be friends.

If she's been screen shotting other conversations where you've talked shit and the like, unfortunately that's something you'll have to learn from. If she shares personal stuff, well she's a crappy friend and it's good to have nothing to do with her. Other people, if they're smart (sadly they usually aren't), will see how she is and start dropping her as well.  You can recover if that's what she does. If she shares screen shots of you talking shit about people (especially mutual friends), well, that's something to own up to and not do anymore unless you're not friends or even friendly with them. Sometimes our own toxicity and two faced behavior makes it easy for others to behave in toxic ways toward us and I speak from experience, not judgment, here.

Most of the time, too, messaging apps and the like record logs of everything you've talked about. It wouldn't be hard to go through and find the conversation. This is the digital age so don't say anything to someone via text that you wouldn't want them to save for some reason.

Either way you go, your best bet is to learn from this experience.

Is she a bad friend? Thoughts/opinions please

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