Tired of all my family drama 😕

I know this is pointless posting this here but I just want to get my feelings out and speak about how low I feel and have done for a very long time...

For a start, my nan, the woman who I used to look up to for being this strong independent person is now an empty shell of that woman I used to know.. she's an alcoholic and I've learned that I will NEVER be able to change that unless she changes herself first, she drinks everyday and goes out at weekends then staggers through the door and hurls abuse at my partner and me. She constantly speaks of a man who emotionally abused her for 6 years and how she doesn't care (1 year later) yet she will invite him over for meals and kiss his ass, she's constantly covered in cuts and bruises from drinking and then falling.

My mum, who I love dearly.. don't get me wrong but when I was younger she used to hit me a lot, she was never caring or kind, she's a bully and brags about how she used to throw things at people during her school years and hurt them. She's a lot better now but if she's angry, she will take it out on ANYONE. She screams in your face and throws her weight around until someone cowers in fear.. but now I'm older I don't allow it, I argue back because I'm sick of her being so controlling like wanting to know how much I get paid from work, what my bank pin is, what I buy and how much it costs etc..

My step dad, the guy who doesn't know whether he is going to play a caring dad or the next day he will be that vile disgusting man who touches my breasts and talks about how he could of done things to me when I was 16 and completely intoxicated, the man who will call me fat all the time and bring up my appearance if I don't wear makeup or mention that my cleavage is showing (but will keep staring) when I'm wearing a top that's almost a turtleneck and when anything is is said back to him he will raise his voice and stomp upstairs like a child because he's annoyed that he isn't the one being annoying 😒

My little sister who tries to act like my mum sometimes and questions me on my spending or what I buy or telling me to do this and that, the annoying kid who will cut into conversations, judge you by everything you do, moan if you are busy and can't talk because apparently no one listens.

My dad who is a drug addict and I haven't seen in years but if he sees me working he will try and get me to see him and spend time with his new son but yet I will see him in the news because he decided to rob a salon for drug money.

This as well as ttc, juggling a job working nights, trying to lose weight so I can actually go out and not feel like crying because I don't want to be seen or feel that everyone is watching me is hard.

I'm tired of it all, I can't speak to them about it because they turn it back around onto themselves and their own problems but it effects me also.. We all have problems but I just feel that no one cares, I know this lot might not seem much to other people but there's more, I just didn't want to write a book about my family or the rest of lives hurdles.