Trying for baby 2

Why is wanting another baby so hard? Having my first one was easy but I lost it at 8weeks.

I've been to many times.

I had two abortions not proud of them but I wasn't I'm a relationship with the father at the time

Then came pregnancy 3,4,5,6,all misscarried.

My 7th gave me my beautiful little girl 4yrs old very smart .

My 9th misscarried again.

Now I've been trying for 1yr now and nothing at all.. I've given up all hope of having another I think its my boyfriend his soldiers aren't strong like they use to be.