Asking for help with newborn?

Question

I'm not sure what the proper etiquette of asking for help is when the baby arrives and there's anything I'm suppose to do it return.

The only person I can rely on is my MIL who is happy to help but I haven't officially asked yet because I don't know what to say and I know she's going to want to over stay her welcome.

Is it rude to ask (for example) that she walk the dog but she can't stay long after? My husband says that would be and she should stay as long as she wants but with catching up on sleep, bonding with baby and learning breastfeed, I don't really want her around 24/7. Advice?

Answer

Depending on how far she is driving and how frequently you need her to come help, yes it's rude.

I've had two children and now I'm going to have twins, personally I wouldn't ask someone to come walk my dog. I would buy a tie out and put him on it for 20-30 mins and handle it myself. Your husband can take him for a walk when he gets home.

I would be offended if all you wanted me to come to your house for was to do work that you will be more than capable of doing yourself.

Answer

If it's your 1st baby, i really don't think you'll "need" help. I could understand if you have a toddler already and are having a csection or something but with just one and a vaginal birth, you should be more than capable of doing it yourself. You won't be stuck in bed after birth or anything like that. You can really just go back to your normal life, just adding in some feedings and diaper changes. Newborns aren't really that demanding and physically you should be fine to go for walks and your regular daily activity (chores, dog walking, etc). I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

Answer

Read your comments about people saying you won't be able to leave the house.... yes you will lol. I was out and about the day i was released from the hospital. lol you wouldn't of had even been able to tell I just had a baby.

Answer

It's not rude to tell her that you'd need help with certain things and then you'd like to rest and nurse etc in peace. Have her come to see baby for a few minutes, walk the dog etc and then spend a few minutes saying good bye to baby....if you aren't sleeping or nursing. Explain clearly and in advance...that's a nice way that way she'll know what's right and what's not right.

Answer

When I had my daughter, I asked my mother for assistance around my house. I'm a FTM and two days after giving birth (I was home my legs would give out and arms go completely numb) so I was afraid that if I didn't get the help I needed I wouldn't be able to recover fully as needed for myself and daughter. 
I didn't have a complicated birth, it just took a toll on my body.
Be honest with you MIL let her know that you need the assistance for x,y, and z reasons but she is also allowed time to see her grandchild. Also, mention that this is your time to bond with baby so you would like to keep the time limited ( I'm pretty sure that there is a nicer way to say this, I'm just a blunt/direct person).

Answer

Asking for help now is beneficial. It will give you and her time to prepare and speak about what exactly you're expecting. It is not rude to ask for help as set boundaries regarding the help.

Birthing people being on their own immediately after birth isn't a good idea for anyone. The postpartum period can be difficult for some and even when it's easy isolation is still an issue. Having a friend or family member come over when you aren't able to access a postpartum doula is a great idea.

I have a postpartum plan that I could email you. It sets out the different areas that you should prepare for and has space to name specific people for certain tasks. If you'd like it you can email me at hello@villagemotherhood.com and I can send it to you.

Answer

I feel your pain. I'm a neat freak and I'm already dreading having a messy home. Everyone always offers assistance but seems to be put off by helping with housework instead of the baby. Maybe make your needs very clear? Hopefully she is receptive to this

Asking for help with newborn?

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