depressed while pregnant

I found out I was pregnant at the ER. I was in the ER because I tried to commit suicide and someone called the cops. It's so hard to explain I'm happy to be pregnant I have always wanted kids. But now when things get really bad I feel like there's no way out because if I kill myself i kill my baby and that's something I could not do. It's been so hard sometimes. I haven't been able to go to a therapist yet because of insurance problems. I can't tell my bf when I'm feeling this way because he would just get mad at me for it. Say I'm asking for attention etc.