Emotional story...

So.... I got pregnant my Jr year of highschool.... had an abortion because I felt forced and I was young.... during the abortion while they were gonna put me under I said nevermind but it was already to late I knocked out and then I wake up what felt like 2nds later and it was done.... I cried so much and kept saying I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... that night I went home and was praying and kept saying sorry and I heard a little whisper in my ear and it said "I love you mommy" and I lost it, I broke down crying and yelling, it was so bad. After that happened I fell into major depression, I started doing so many bad things, drinking everyday all day, smoking, doing pills, I'm honestly surprised I didn't die. I tried killing myself 3 times had to go to the mental hospital for suicide. Fast forward to maybe 2 1/2-3 years later. (I'M about to be 21, in 18 days) I decide I'm ready for a baby... me and my now fiance decided we both wanted a baby we've known each other for 8 years on and off and decided we were both ready. So we tried and tried and bam... it happened. And I was scared I kept thinking about my other baby (a little girl) how bad and horrible I felt how I can't forgive myself for what I did... and now I'm going to have a baby and keep it and I thought this isn't fair, I didn't keep my other baby why should I with this one. Went to bed that night crying and thinking and in my dream my other baby (girl) came to me and said she loves me and that it's ok, she wants me happy and she knows this baby will make me happy. I cried when I woke up.... and decided she's right I kept the baby and now she's 6 months old. She's my heart and soul... I'm a better person because of her she honestly saved my life if she didn't have come into my life I think I'd be dead honestly... she saved my life because she is my life. I'm such a wonderful mother and it amazes me how far I've come all because of 2 babies.