Don't put kids first?

Question

I've seen this posted in the controversy corner section, but was more interested in the responses here from our smaller group. (It's possible this has been posted before and I missed it).

There are numerous articles on the topic, but I've seen one specifically floating around lately. Basically it's saying the kid(s) should not come first in the family...that it should be the partner/marriage first.  What are your thoughts on this?

I get what it's saying to an extent, but I don't think I would always agree. Maybe once the kids are a little older. I totally agree that you have to take care of your relationship also if you're wanting a happy family. But I don't k ow that I agree that you should say it comes before the kids.

Answer

I see it as having three plants, one for baby, one for you and one for your marriage. The last two plants are mature so they need a limited amount of care. The baby plant, however, needs way more care and watering and nutrients because it's a baby.

In fact caring for the baby plant can become so demanding on some days that it's easy to get overwhelmed and forget about watering the other two plants. After all, you want to make sure this plant grows to its full potential (putting kids first). Plus the grown up plants are tough and can survive well, right?

Well...all plants need water or they will eventually wilt and die. So putting your marriage first means you make sure you water all plants periodically, even if some days you feel like the baby plant, even though growing and doing very well (and even though you may water it first and more than the other two), could have been cared for even more.

That's how I see things anyway. Hope the comparisson is not too weird.

Answer

In my opinion your marriage is the foundation of your family thus your kids are not more important then your husband,  they should be equally important.

Answer

This is confusing. Isn't it that if your kids come first your relationship is also a priority? My baby's health, wellbeing and upbringing come first to me. My husband can take care of himself, he isn't a child? Therefore my child comes first to both of us. However we are both 100% aware that the happiness, health and wellbeing of our child is tied to our relationship. I don't know if this is the right way but that's how it's become. I don't think we can help that either, our love for our child is not really something we are able to put secondary to each other. Naturally baby is first.

Answer

My son is first. I'm not ashamed to admit that and I would hope he puts our son first as well. He's 8 months old. He needs us to put him first! Until he can be more independent, we both make huge sacrifices to make sure we keep him safe and happy and well developed. Life sometimes gets in the way of us tending to each other as we once did but that's the job when you're a parent. We will get "us" back. We make sure we talk and communicate our needs to each other. Family is work.

Answer

I don't know that my partner necessarily comes before my kid, but I do make my relationship a priority. Like CC said, showing a happy, healthy, and loving relationship is very important. I didn't have that growing up, my parents hated each other my whole life, and because I never really saw a functional relationship as a kid I feel like, in many ways, I don't know what an adult relationship is supposed to be like. So I try to make the effort to do alone stuff (not necessarily sex) with my partner, although it's not always easy to make the time, and show him I care about him and our relationship.

Answer

As someone who came from a family where my parents hated each other and had a terrible relationship, I think tending to your marriage is SO important. My parents' dysfunctional relationship made me feel unsafe in my home, made me question their love for me since they couldn't love each other, it affected every adult relationship I ever had, and it ripped our family apart. In the early months, obviously a baby needs more maintenance, but as she gets older, it will be a priority to me that she sees a healthy loving relationship. Our marriage is the foundation of this family, and should be treated as such.

Answer

Before I got married I had to do marriage counseling and the cycle goes god ,husband,wife,then kids

Don't put kids first?

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