Excuses to be nasty and do the wrong thing?

Question

I haven't really lost anyone close to me (imediate family and close friends) so I have no idea how it feels to experience such pain... But should losing a loved one be used as an excuse to be nasty to people who's trying to be there for you? Should it be use as an excuse to cheat on your SO and push them away regardless of how hard and sicerly they're trying to be there for you?

Answer

I lost my brother 3 years ago...before we list him...I was a very happy person..I was physically ill during the week of his funeral and after my bf and I got home and back to reality, I couldn't take it anymore. I had my first panic attack and for 2 years I couldn't ride in a car without getting one. I'd have atleast 15 a day. I was wornnnnnnnnnn out and lost. Bf and I broke up and I was such a mess I left state and moved across the country to start fresh. I took a year to myself to grow and cope...see a counselor and face fears..bf and I got back together and now I feel great.

Point of my story is..grief is handled differently by different people..it is the worst feeling in the world to lose someone...my brother was my first CLOSE loss so I actually lost myself and my faith also. It's a dark place. But I NEVER cheated on my bf..grant it, we broke up soon after but I was too weak to even think about it. I don't know how your bf handles grief but my bf felt like he lost me and ended things. It's hard and you have to be a very strong individual to stand by someone greiving. It takes patience and understanding.

Answer

There is no such thing as an "excuse" to cheat. However, death is a very serious issue, and grief can change people. My marriage went through a VERY difficult time after my hubby's dad died. It takes time & patience to help someone through that kind of loss. Things might get worse before they get better. If you really love him, hang in there. Best of luck!

Answer

It's not an excuse, but some people push people away so they don't get hurt.  My biggest regret is not being as close and spending as much time as a teenager with my sick father.  He passed away when I was 23, and if I could go back in time and cherish time with him a little more I would. But I kept my distance emotionally because I thought it might hurt a little less when he did pass.

So when one loses someone close to them, they can push other people who are close to them away in fear of feeling that pain again if something were to happen.

Answer

Grief is a powerful thing...
It consumes you. You feel so much all at once...pain and anger and hurt and confusion...it's overwhelming. And...You will do anything and everything to just make it STOP. 
And when that grief comes with loss...that's an even more powerful thing because then not only are you feeling all of that, but you're scared. You're terrified of losing someone else because you CANT handle losing someone else. So you push everyone away. You lash out and you push them away, even though deep inside you're screaming for them to stay. You act out. You do stupid shit. Because somehow you've rationalized that it's better for you to choose to lose them now than to wait until they leave you. 
And then one day the grief has faded away enough for you to look around and you realize you've pushed everyone away and you're all alone. And that....that's even worse than the grief. 
So no. It's not an excuse. 
But it's real. It's very real. And it sucks. For them and for you. 
You have to decide if you're willing to stick it out. To be there that day when they wake up from their grief. Because they will need someone. But if you can't handle it, then walk away now. Before you get hurt, and before you hurt them even more

Answer

I understand the grief is imensly painful, it can change people. But that is not an excuse. You and you alone are responsible for everything you do. If I was in ur position I'd stick it out for a little while, for him to maybe get better. But honestly I'd leave him after. It almost makes it worse that he thought he could walk all over you because he's hurting. It makes me wonder what he'd do to you if you were hurting. You show people how you want to be treated, and as much as he may be hurting right now, that doesn't mean he can cheat on me n expect me to sit back and say it's OK. I'd respectively end up leaving him.

Answer

It's not an excuse to be rude. I'm 25 and I lost my mom at 19 and my dad at 21. I haven't been the same since! Death can change people. Give the person time to heal and just try being a friend during this time. Death of a close person is like a heartbreak that is 10 times worst! Worst than physical pain!

Answer

Everyone copes in their own way. We just lost a really good family friend a couple weeks ago. And there was a fight between the family but everyone is ok now. My mom is eating like crazy (which she never does). Idk about the cheating part that is going to far, I get being upset and all, but I wouldn't do that. All you can do is be there for the friend.

Answer

Maybe they're not intentionally TRYING to be rude, and it isn't an excuse to cheat, but everyone handles grief differently. My cousin died in an A TV accident last july, we were close, and still everyday it effects my mood. Sometimes I just need a few minutes of silence to regain myself, or I'm snappy too. It takes a hard mental toll and sometimes physical, when you loose someone close. And it's not a wound that heals overnight. Just try to be patient, even if it's hard..

Excuses to be nasty and do the wrong thing?

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