I'm stupid for wanting a 3rd baby 😢

So lately I've been itching to have a 3rd baby and was hoping for twins.... My SO thinks I'm crazy (which i do agree) because right now we are struggling financially and we live with my parents... My parents and my SO have been the ones buying what we need (My SO donates plasma). We started a YouTube channel but with limited money editing and all that is hard which has made it hard for me to upload our latest video. I've also been struggling with my depression and my anger and there are even days I don't want to be around my kids but then there's days (I have more bad than good due to my depression but have been working hard at it) I can't be away from them. I cry a lot now and get emotional when I see pregnant women pass by me or I see a new born baby... everyone including myself thinks I'm (excuse the language) fucking mental for even having the thought alone of wanting to get pregnant again... I'm barely getting my body back as well and barely able to get my health under control. I lost motivation once my depression kicked into full gear yet again defeating my winning streak.... why is this happening to me? Why can't my family be lucky enough to make money that will support us? That's right lack of education (I only have my H.S. diploma and SO has G.E.D and is in college for mechanics) and the town I live in 😢. We get so heartbroken when we pass by nice cars and nice houses, happy families shopping at the mall with out worrying about the price tag... I guess this is the real struggle of a young mom who did nothing with her life besides be stupid before getting pregnant.... Do i fail as a mother and a wife because of this? This went on from more than just something small to let out and into something extremely deep and I apologize if I upset anyone for what I'm sharing but no one in my home cares really about my feelings since I also suffer from some mental illnesses that cause mood swings and attitude lash outs and rage fits, so of course to them my feelings are my illness and I'm In quote "fucking crazy." I guess I just wish something great would happen to my little family so we didn't have to worry about little things.... 😢😢 ok I guess rant over.... i might get back lash for not being responsible enough to have kids or to be thinking of having another kid.... But I'm used to it.... feel free to say what you please...