Quiet and gentle vibrator suggestions? 😊

I don't use sex toys but I've tried some before and one of them was anal beads and the other was one of those straight ones, with rounded/pointed to tip. I didn't like it because 1. It was so loud. 2. When I actually tried to use it, it made me feel numb very quickly and that kills any motivation to use it. I can't have an orgasm from normal penetration and I can't do it if I were to use my hand or if my significant other used his hand. Oral sex doesn't even work for me! I don't even like it to happen because if the tongue gets anywhere near the top, it's actually EXTREMELY unpleasant. I wouldn't exactly say it's painful like I could cry or something but it feels unexplainably bad! I have to have a lot of pressure and friction (pillow or body). If I want to use my hand, I have to first build up to literally a few moments before an orgasm. By then, what's the point?! 😂 But I noticed a few things make it feel possible with a hand/tongue so I thought maybe I can experiment with a vibrator instead. I want it to be easy to hold for anyone involved, quiet and for the vibration to be seriously gentle. Does that exist?! 😂