not sure what to do about my friend i lost my virginity to. to go back or not?
Ok so first story time: i lost my virginity to him 10 months ago. We became exclusive friends with benefits, everyone knew everyone saw & by everyone i meant the whole fraternity & everyone else who hung around. We are all very very close friends & at the time he lived in the frat house, i basically lived there multiple nights a week. At one point they offered for me & my bestfriend to move in, we helped initiate pledges & helped during their sacred meetings; we were no strangers to any of them. Fast forward, everyone knows we have sex they respect me even after the fwb situation stoped the friendships & respect never changed we stopped having sex after about 5 months & started seeing other people. Before, we were eachothers go tos, but if he wanted another girl it didnt bother me he always came back to me since i guess it was convenient & comfortable.
Over the course of these months we grew very attached to eachother we didnt have feelings but we did. We knew without speaking out loud. I saw the jealousy in him that bubbled up in fits of rage that got really bad, we argued often, but we always made up & the sex was great. We knew we had some feelings we knew we didnt want a relationship we knew we both have commitment issues yet we were so drawn to eachother & it sort of became toxic (nearly at eachothers throats right after sex once) so once again without talking out loud we strayed from eachother & found other people.
Fast forward to now. We are both single & convenient (not as convenient as before but close enough) & comfortable. He has started to hmu since he saw that i got my nipples pierced lol. IDK WHAT TO DO. I love having sex with him. I love how comfortable i am with him. & i love how much ive explored with him & can further explore if i want to. But i know how our experience as exclusive fwb was. Then when we had casual sex after the fwb situation it was very animalistic on both sides, which i didnt like. One thing i loved about him is how great of a friend he is, he tells me how it is, he helped me almost fully get over my first boyfriend who raped me when i was 15, he gives me advice that makes me think about my actions & makes me a better woman. But he only did that when we were "together"
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