should I leave my husband?
Okay so my husband and I have been going through a really rough time. I brought up divorce a lot, our daughter passed away, a lot has happened. We were fighting a lot, it was almost daily. Well one night I texted him and said "I want you here. I want to fix us." He came home, we talked, we had sex. Then next morning he was trying to love on me, Trying to have sex with me, talking about our future. We went shopping, he kept telling me how beautiful I was.. we were happy. Then this happened. We stopped at speedway like always, I stayed in the car with our 1 year old. He's in there for 20 minutes. He come out and gives me this bullshit about how a guy held up the line and the new girl didn't know what to do. Then I look at his phone. There's a girls number with hearts next to it. I flip out, he denies it and says he has no idea who she is. I asked him "if you don't know her, mind if I text her?" He FLIPPED out. I texted her anyways and got this response. "I didn't know he was married. Nothing happened, we went to school together. He comes in here a lot and he asked for my number, hugged me and kisses me on the cheek. I'm sorry you married someone like that. You should talk to him he acts like he's single. I don't have time for this. Sorry."
So I freak out. Again. You know what he tells me? "You fucking bitch. You ruined my. Chance. I was THIS close to getting away from you and you fucked it up. You fuck everything up."
Now that.. that pierced my heart. I went silent. After a while we just fought and fought. He told me over and over that we weren't married, he didn't want me, he liked someone else, that he wants me to disappear. He said all I do is treat him like shit (which is a lie)
I have never seen him like this, ever. So of course I kept fighting for him. Eventually he said "lll give it a shot." So I asked him to delete her number and we just forget everything happened. He then got mad, said no. And said "you respect me now. You walked on me for a long time so now it's my turn."
have severe depression. I go to counseling, I'm on medication. That day I didn't take it though, I was happy. Well I snapped. I went into this deep hole and it was like someone took over. I tried to kill myself. When we got home, he was packing, we were still fighting..
And I just.. tried to kill myself. He knew I had those thoughts but he just started yelling at me saying "you can't do this to me. You can't die and leave me here knowing it's my fault and I killed you. That will kill me." He didn't cry but it looked like he was going to. He deleted her number, hugged me and said he was sorry.
Now, it's the next day and I just keep replaying everything he said to me. I keep seeing him kiss that girl. Even if it was on the cheek.
I did a lot of things wrong. I wasn't the best wife. I was controlling at times. I was a bitch. It's true. But I just don't know. I know what what to believe. He still says he meant it and he didn't mean all that stuff and he was just angry but I don't think I can get over that. I also don't want to leave...
Has anyone ever gone through this stuff and gotten past it? I don't know how I would even leave. I don't drive, I don't work. I have no family (literally) no friends whatsoever. I have no way out.
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