I have no real "friends" . The only friend I have is too wrapped up in her own shit to even ask how I'm doin. Can't make new friends because I don't have the energy nor want to open up to anyone. I Stopped college towards the end of the semester last semester because I felt like it wasn't for me probably fucked up my gpa so badly .(parents are still expecting me to go back even though I'm considering not going) all my passion and creativity has left me. I been applying for jobs, nobody has even contacted me because I've been in school full time and have absolutely no work experience . My boyfriend works and lives an hour away. Anytime I tell him about my depression he doesn't understand why because he sees I'm from a "good family" and have "no struggle" and kinda just dismisses it. My mom and I are close but I just don't even feel up to talking anymore and I feel bad so  I been sort of pushing her away as well and just going to my room . I sit and lay in my bed all day with my windows shut tight sometimes tv is not even on . Lately I been having suicidal thoughts , not like I will actually go thru with it but I just feel so empty and sad inside and I feel worthless sometimes I wonder would it be better if I just go away forever. Or just leave and never come back. I don't want to burden anyone by telling them my problems Esspecially my mom because she will get so stressed out cuz she doesn't want me sad but doesn't know what to do(we've been through this in high school ) 😪 I don't even know what I'm going to do with my life, I don't even know where to start . I can't even answer what makes me happy or inspired anymore because I feel nothing. I have no drive . My mind feels blank.  I feel stuck, stagnant ,  lonely... horrible.