Sorry this is a long post but I really need to get it off of my chest and I'm not sure where else to go. In April 2016 I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It was my first pregnancy and I had a really hard time after the loss. I became a very bitter person and even I knew I wasn't a pleasant person to be around. Fast forward to July and I got pregnant again. The pregnancy went along smoothly and I slowly went back to being my normal self. I now have my healthy 11 week old rainbow baby boy. But I've been struggling again. Now that I have him, I can't help but think of what things would have been like with the first one. Experiencing their first smile, or their coos, or just holding them and rocking them throughout the night. I feel like I'm going through the grieving process all over again. I find myself just bawling when I'm home alone and thinking of these things. I love my baby boy more than anything but it's still hard to think of what it would have been like with my other baby too.