I'm done. give up

After 7 Mc. And ttc after my first Mc at 16. I'm almost 21 now. I am done. I'm done with the heart ache, done wasting money and I'm done wasting time. I want a baby soooo bad and I would do anything for it, but I'm done with the bs. There's absolutely nothing wrong with me or him for this to happen to me. All they can tell me is " luck of the draw" so after almost 5 years I'm done. If it happens it happens. I don't want a baby anymore after all the bs I've been through. I don't want the heart ache anymore. I haven't told him yet that I'm done trying. Right now isn't the right time anyway. Waiting on him to call today. He's going to be upset that I'm giving up on the one thing I want in life. But I can't take it. Every one around me is pregnant or has kids. I'm tired of the bs trying to have a baby and when I try for ever, I get pregnant and it doesn't last a week till my body starts to miscarry. If it happens it happens and I'll be glad and great full. But I'm done trying bc all I'm doing is getting hurt. They won't do ivf bc nothing is wrong. And "it's a waste of money when I can do it myself" what ever... I'm done with doctors too trying to say I'm wasting money to have ivf. So I'm done... all I wanted in life is a baby and I can't even do that. So I'm done getting hurt.