Thinking about how to write this, is almost impossible for me at the moment. Thinking about how to fit it all together so people don't think I'm dumb. It's little things like this that can work me up inside, everyday. I'm not too sure where to begin, I'll try to fit it together like a puzzle, but no promises.  For starters, lately everything internally seems to be getting worse for me, or so it seems. I know I should be happy because I just took a new job at a great company as a CNA, my first job as one, since I just passed the test 5/26! I'm very excited to work here and be a part of this company. However, I'm nervous that who I am might interfere with how I perform. I'm someone who can talk and talk about the same subject over and over and still worry over it. So, as of a couple weeks ago, I got a text from my step mom basically telling me that I don't deserve to buy myself a new car, which I bought in March 2017. I absolutely love it and I'm so proud of it because it was my second car loan and I didn't need a co-signer! I had posted the day before about how excited I am to go on vacation with my best friend and my boyfriend in November down in Pensacola. I've worked very hard to get where I'm at in life, and I believe I deserve to go on vacation and buy myself a new car etc. So then, she threatened to take away 5K that she and my dad had put in my investments account that I never asked for. This really made me furious because I've never asked for money since I was a junior in high school. So, it's been a couple weeks since this episode happened and she hasn't talked to me since then.  Well, I just can't seem to make sense of the situation and make what happened ok. And everyone tells me she's jealous etc. Which, I agree but I feel like a lot of it stems from when I was a child too. Growing up, I never had ANY parental support from either my step mom or my dad. :( it's really hard for me to say this because I love my parents it's just very hard for me to have a relationship with either of them. And to top that off, I've gained some weight and am noticing my body is getting bigger and I'm noticing that I feel even more out of shape. Which is off putting to me and I don't want to have sex with my boyfriend because I feel disgusting and I feel like sex is like a chore. And I don't want to feel like that. And my boyfriend I so supportive of me and loves me exactly the way I am. But it's so so so hard for me to accept myself. :(