csection
Repost for future moms...
So there was a BabyGaga about csection shamers (it was talking about those who claim it is the easy way out), and I had to share my own experience and frustrations.
So vaginal AND csection are both difficult.
But seriously, my unexpected csection was both physically and emotionally difficult.
As I was rolled into the operating room and shifted from one bed to a T shaped operating table, I was in tears and shaking uncontrollably. After 36 hours of active labor, a failed epidural, I felt like I had given up too early. My anxiety was through the roof and my husband was not allowed in right away. I was left ALONE on that table for a good 5 minutes without anyone talking to me. I actually began counting the holes in the tiles above me to get through my in teased anxiety.
The numbing medicine did NOT work for me, so I actually was able to feel everything (OUCH!). Because of this, my heart rate went through the roof and I was knocked out completely. I woke up 45 minutes AFTER my son was born and I still had to wait longer to hold him.
I think that was the emotionally traumatizing part. I felt so emotionally disconnected from my son and his birth. I was awake when he was pulled out and I DID feel that (not suppose to but holy crap...), and I heard him cry. I felt immediate relief and I remember thinking "he is safe... holy shit when does the pain stop?!". They still had to stitch me up and I passed out shortly after we they showed my son to me. My husband was up and moving with the baby and I remember looking at my son for a moment and then squeezing my eyes shut in pain and crying.
When I finally woke up in the recovery room I felt so groggy and disjointed. I had no memory of being moved off the operating table and into that room AT ALL. My husband did the skin to skin with my son for that first hour as I was passed out and they had to wait for me to wake up. I didn't feel pain per say, but I felt mentally numb. And that started the guilt.
This was suppose to be the most beautiful moment of my life... bringing my son into the world, and I simply felt numb. Nurses were asking me a million questions, I had to sign papers, they were checking my vitals. I was finally handed my son to attempt breast feeding and I still just felt so disassociated from everything. I was staring at this beautiful life and felt nothing. I wanted to cry in frustration.
Csection also means a longer stay in the hospital. That meant constantly being checked on and awakened. You cannot eat until you pass gas (I did fairly quickly thank goodness), but I feared having to poop as I was told that I was ABSOLUTELY not to 'push' as I could open the stitches inside.
I felt forced to take pain meds and nurses played the guilt card when I declined at first and then again when I opted for low dosage of Tylenol rather than the Norco.
Vaginal is hard... I was only 6cm after 36 hours and not fully dilated... I cannot imagine the pain for those going all the way. But to say csection is the easy way out is ridiculous.
I had staples in my lower abdomen 5 days. I had to wear a waist trainer for 8 weeks because my muscles needed to be held together so they could heal. I couldn't shower because I couldn't get the incision wet until AFTER the staples were taken out, and even then you are told to keep the incision dry until fully healed which can take 4-12 WEEKS. I was not allowed to exercise, walk longer than 20 minutes, or lift heavy things until 8 weeks after I gave birth. It is definitely a process.
Again... not saying vaginal is easier, because I definitely do NOT think it is (and it has its own recovery... especially if there are tears), but to all those mommas who had csections - YOU ARE AMAZING.
(So are those who had a vaginal birth).
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