why me?! why my baby?!!!!

Question

Sat in bed crying myself to sleep with nobody to talk to just because my past is playing on my mind😔 
6th April 2016 I took a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side, I was 100% sure it was going to be negative but it turned out to be positive, although I was absolutely terrified and my head was all over the place seeing as I was 15 (used contraception etc lecture needed) but I suppose I came around to it, I kept it to myself until I thought I was ready to tell somebody I was alone I cried I laughed every single emotion I had. Then the night before I went to tell my bestfriend (wanted advice before telling my mam) I wiped and saw blood, instantly I knew it weren't normal! I cramped and cried, I knew it weren't good I knew what it meant and it destroyed me! The nights where I sat up crying because I had no proof to show that my baby existed, that there was a life inside of me. The tests I took the days after praying for it to say positive breaking my heart when that extra line didn't appear it. I spent nights wondering why my body weren't capable of doing something so natural, why me? I may have been young and still am but I learnt to grow up pretty damn quick, I wanted that baby and then I fail at something that many others succeed in!

But tonight I am really feeling down, all the posts I see on facebook, photos of girls cuddling with their baby the jealousy I get and the way I have to pretend to be happy to see my friends with their babies or young siblings nieces etc, I am jealous. But I'm jealous because I should be able to hold my child, I should be able to cuddle with my child, I should be allowed to love my child and most of all, I should at least have proof that my child once was!

If only I could trust someone enough to tell them perhaps then I could manage a bit more but having been 13 weeks pregnant losing MY BABY was 100% the worst thing in the world!

I want my baby, I never knew that you could grieve over something, someone that you've never met for so damn long!

Apologise for writing this here but it's the only place that I can get my say and where nobody knows who I am!

Answer

I can't even lie and say I know how you are feeling because I don't but I do know that everything is going to be okay and everything happens for a reason! Please stay strong ❤

Answer

I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand. I got pregnant at 18, it wasn't planned.

We were in a long distance relationship at the time so I went through everything alone. I took a test, and it was positive. I was terrified, but it suddenly gave me some clairity and I felt as if my whole life had been given a purpose.

I believe I was between 12-13 weeks when I lost the baby. I also lost it on Mothers Day which seemed to add insult to injury. I was severely depressed for a long time. But as time went on, I slowly got a bit better. Now, I'm going to a friend's baby shower in a few weeks - this is something I've only recently been able to do even almost 3 years later.

It was difficult going through such a loss at such a young age. To come to terms with an unexpected pregnancy, go though being ostracized for teen pregnancy, get all the bad parts, and none of the reward  really sucks. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I want a baby so bad because I got all the maternal feelings, but don't have anything to do with them. But now is not the time for me. I just have to make my peace with the fact that I am a mother without a baby for now.

I know what you are going through, and it is not easy, but you'll make it. Stay strong, and just take it one day at a time. Let yourself grieve. Sometimes you just have to keep on living until you discover something that makes you feel truly alive again. Find a passion and pour yourself into it. The best way I had to cope was to keep my mind and body busy. ❤ You may feel alone in this, but I promise, you aren't. I am thinking of you.

Answer

My heart aches for you 😔 I sincerely hope you feel better and hope you find someone you can trust to let you cope and grieve and get you to a point where you feel more at ease

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Oooh my, I feel your pain and I know it hurts like he'll to go through what you went through and not be able to talk to anyone about it.  Please if you can find a free service where you can talk to a counselor or something. If not, this will eat you up and you will be depress.

Be strong and pick up your broken pieces of your heart and know that your young and you will be able to have kids later in life. I'm here if you need to talk

Answer

Baby girl I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I knew i was pregnant for about a week and then i started bleeding and having light cramping I went to the ER and found out i was miscarrying. My heart literally broke into pieces. Like you I didn't really want a kid but after that i feel so much regret about not wanting it. And my best friend just gave birth yesterday to a healthy son. I feel even worse for not being happy for her. I hope you start to cope soon love

Answer

I went through the exact same situation  and it hurt like hell , emotionally it took me forever to get through i am now 20 with a 3yr old , 1yr old and 31wks pregnant . I dont really speak of my baby but all i know is the only thing my baby ever felt was love, Even if it was only from me i have no ultrasounds never heard a heartbeat i felt flutters a few times then boom, gone so quickly that will forever leave a scar on my heart but i healed. My child ONLY FELT LOVE from the first time i knew even before i seen a positive and that is all i needed to heal it will take time. I see the things i have to deal with my children and at that age i was so lost and alone i never would have been strong enough for my child i was always in unsafe environments trying to provide for me i wasnt even strong enough for me but at 20 NO one can tell me anything i can provide for my children they have a roof over their head and i have a reliable car they all have the same father i am beyond blessed by the universe and i hold my head high no matter what because i know ALL of my children will forever be uncoditonally loved and i will never be in those situations again and i thank that baby because it turned everything around for me i learned to speak up for myself to stand my ground it made me stronger than ever 💕💕 so head up love you will get through this promise me , your baby only felt love nothing else no pain , no sadness , nothing but love.

Answer

I feel your pain, everyday. I'm not going to say it gets easier, because honestly it doesn't. I've gone through two miscarriages. The first one being 18 years ago, and the second one being 13 years ago. I still struggle everyday with the loss, and I even get jealous at friends who have kids, but I've noticed that for me, being  around kids help a lil to ease the pain. I just have to allow self to be around them.

You are still young, and I wish you plenty of kids in your future.

Answer

i had actually gotten pregnant (didn't know since i was on birth control) had a miscarriage (cramps, bleeding, abnormal clots faint positive test shortly) , never told my boyfriend or anyone. 
i kept in silence because i was glad since i was on BC and we were no where ready for a baby but it tore me apart a month after when my best friend told me she was pregnant. i was happy for her but man it still hurts to see pictures of her with the baby because that could of been me too

Answer

What kind of contraception were you using at the time??

Answer

Allow yourself to grieve... talking to people (even strangers like us) helps a lot. You'll find out that it happens more than you think, although that never helps at making you feel better. It does however, make you realize that you are not alone. I too lost my first pregnancy at the end of January. I felt the same way you did, angry at the world, & jealous of anyone pregnant or holding a newborn baby. Not to mention I run an in home daycare that I didn't get any time off from after my miscarriage! When the time is right and you are ready, try again. It's scary and the new baby doesn't take your first baby's place, but knowing you can conceive and carry will make you feel a lot better. Prayers for you my dear.

why me?! why my baby?!!!!

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