I'm Getting Really Sad and I Don't Know What to Tell My Husband
I'm 13 weeks tomorrow. My husband has been "concerned" with my eating habits. The last couple of weeks I've been getting hungry shortly after eating meals and today we had a big argument over his concern.
I had dinner around 6p.m. and it's 9p.m. and I woke up from a nap and my stomach is growling again. I mentioned it to my husband and his response was "Well that doesn't mean you need to eat again".
This has been BOTHERING me SO MUCH. Because 1) he was brought up so shallow-minded (his mom would tell him how he will be with a super model one day, etc.) when um, I'm not fucking perfect and I've told him repeatedly if that's what would make him happy, go be with someone who looks like a super model because I will never look like that nor will I sacrifice my unhappiness to physically strive to look like a model when I love my curves and imperfections. And 2) he's not the one that's carrying a baby, I am. He already sees me as weak (I've dealt with hypothyroidism for the past couple of years which make me fatigued as it is) and I've been diagnosed with depression a few years ago which is under control but this stuff really messes with my mind.
I guess I don't know what to do anymore to make him understand how I feel. He makes me feel like a lazy, fat fuck for being in my first trimester and hardly being able to stomach the healthy foods I used to eat. Plus it's hot where I live so of course I want some ice cream and stuff. But I ate Ben and Jerry's yesterday and he said "things like that make me love you less".
Tonight I went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. It was the first time I thought to myself "I don't know if I want to have this baby or not". We lost one already. If this pregnancy took a turn for the worst, I don't know if I want to try with him again.
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