failing to find my rainbow 🌈

Sophie
Last year I had a miscarriage. I lost the baby I didn't know I had but always wanted and it ruined me. 
Now I am trying for our rainbow but every bfn makes my feel like such a failure. Not knowing I had been pregnant with #1 makes me feel like I missed out on so many  amazing experiences and now I wonder if we will ever get experience them. 
I have PCOS and endometriosis so conceiving was always going to be tough but I guess I thought since it had happened once it would be easier.
I'm interested in finding out how anyone else deals with these emotions. How you find the motivation to pee on a stick each month even though you know you will be πŸ˜”