Hard to love

Hey guys, so I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now and everything is great. He is the person who is my home away from home and I love him so much, but sometimes it like I can't feel anything not even my love for him and it scares me. Is it a depressive episode or am I falling out of love. My mind is racing 1000 thoughts per minute and every single one is negative. This is has happened to me multiple times and when I somehow get back to normal, head of heels for him. I'm just really confused on what this could be. I've have depressive episodes ever since my parents separated then I was 10 and I'm 20 and I've never been diagnosed with any mental illness but sometimes this numbness and sadness is overwhelming. More now because I'm scared to lose the person who matters to me more than myself.