Confusion

I don't know whether to feel guilty or overjoyed right now... I just got word earlier this evening that my boyfriend has been in the hospital for close to a week... That explains why he hasn't responded to any of my texts in the past week... For the past two or three days, I thought he dumped me but he actually didn't... For three days straight, I've cried myself to sleep because I was dealing with a heartbreak that wasn't even supposed to be real then the second I woke up, I gave him shit and I was probably stressing him out.. And we all know you shouldn't stress someone out when they're in the hospital... As I said in the beginning, I don't know whether to feel guilty or overjoyed right now... Guilty because I gave him shit for no reason or overjoyed that he's alive... Please help ease my nerves... What should I feel more of right now?