Struggling

Me and my ex were together for two years, we broke up a year ago after I got tired of him abusing me (physically and emotionally.) we have a two year old child together. I recently decided to remove him out of our lives because he wants nothing to do with his child and he has barely ever helped financially with our child since he was born (last thing he got our child was in December and it was his Christmas presents two pairs of cheap shoes and a $2 car) and the last time he seen our child was two months ago. Anyways, about three weeks ago I finally decided to let him know I was just done with the things he was doing and blocked him but honestly I'm struggling. I still have the urge to text him and let him know how our son is and send him pictures of our son (even though he honestly doesn't deserve it.) and I still feel the urge to beg him to come see his child. But I try not to, I keep trying to remind myself why I'm doing this but it's just hard sometimes.😓