Upset is not the word

14 months I've been trying for a baby..each month the dead same and then the dead same dreadful feeling when af arrives. I thought this was going to be my month..I was in bath earlier and just cried and cried..I'm been punished or can't have kids..I'm getting really fed up. I actually feel suicidle now. Only what I want is a baby and its not happening. I'm working...living with a partner..have a good income..and a healthy relationship but I feel so hurt. Will it ever happen. I can't even calm down just get upset then stop crying then I start again. My siblings have babies so I can't go see them because I just want to cry when I do. Really feel like shit and nothing is stopping this hurted heart. Think I'm having a nervous breakdown. I know some will judge because I'm talking like this. But if I got pregnant next month I'd feel so happy. I'm happy for others but I'm sick of hiding my tears