Hey guys I'm postings anonymous but please I don't want any judgment I just want some kind words to help me

I struggle with depression from two years ago I went through being groomed at 14 by an older person who manipulated me into doing something from then I struggled a lot I self harmed but I met someone amazing we we're together for along time but we broke up because we needed some time alone I'm not going into detail yes I was devastated because along that time I lost all my friends cause they betrayed me talked shit and my depression kicked in and my anxiety till this day it's so bad we stayed friends we were happy to still talk because he still had the connection but anyone in the meantime I was nealry used for sex by two people I wanted to be friends with it made my depression worse and made my self harm worse I have horrible scars

So me and my ex are still really close we never wanted to break up and we are fixing it all because we want to be back together because we both miss and love eachother he helps me a lot but my depression makes me not feel important it makes me hate myself I cry everyday because I hate the thoughts and feelings of being lonely I tell him most things but I don't want to upset him by saying anything but we both say I love you and miss you over text we are really working on fixing us and I'm happy that I have him back because really he's my everything to me but today we met up it was lovely and fun but I was constantly crying because I missed him so much but u want to tell him how much he means to me how much I love him in face I wanted to tell him but I was afraid I be made fun and everything how can I tell him this without feeling I'm not important and being afraid

Please no hate or saying move on please I don't need that I want some support when I can't talk to my counsellor