Mother In Law Causing Stress

Jessica

I have always had challenges with my mother in law. She is a widow (her husband passed 7 years ago) and my husband is an only child. She expects my husband to fill certain roles her late husband was responsible for (side note: her deceased husband was my husband's step-father, not biological father, but my husband and he were very close). She uses her grief to manipulate people into doing certain things all the time. She is extremely paranoid about other people, including my husband and I. She often misinterprets situations thinking we are trying to be passive aggressive against her...we are not, and I can try to explain scenarios to her until I'm blue in the face, but she only believes what is in her own head, not what happens in reality. I've actually become very good at being proactive to keep her at bay by checking in often, planning regular times to see each other, etc. it makes her feel needed and not alone which is where a lot of her lashing out stems from. However, I'm not a mind reader, and there will always be times I fall short of meeting her needs, because they are just that...HER needs. I actually have become so good at not letting her upset me, because I know it's a lost cause, and if I know I did everything in my power to do the right thing, I find peace in that. However, she recently began involving my parents, in particular my mother in arguments. My mother is a sweetheart, and wants to help, but does not understand this woman's manipulative ways. In fact, because my mother graciously lends an ear she herself becomes manipulated so easily. I became so upset by this, surprising myself (I'm 6 months pregnant - I'm assuming hormones played a big role). I'm fiercely protective over my mother knowing she can easily be manipulated. I feel as though my MIL only involved my mom because it was an indirect way to upset me since coming directly for me hasn't given her a rise or angry response out of me. My MIL is miserable due to the circumstances in her life, and misery loves company, even at the risk of stressing me out and putting her unborn grandson at risk. How have others dealt with a toxic in law situation? She lives 5 min away, so cutting her out doesn't seem feasible (we tried that approach once...it failed and made things a lot worse). I'm already feeling the mama bear instincts. I want to protect my son, and don't want him exposed to this unacceptable behavior. Just sharing a snapshot of my story helps, I've been feeling so alone. Pregnancy has been tough for me, and I feel I need support from others who have been through a similar scenario. 😔