Two little lines. I remember staring at the test wondering if my imagination had truly taken a hold of my brain.

But it hadn't.

There it faintly stood next to the control line. I cried.

My husband who will be 40 this year and I (who am approaching 35) had been trying since last September. Every month it seemed to break my heart when my period came. Except this one.

Fast forward to 7 weeks, a week before our prenatal appointment. The night before the cramping started I had a dream my egg was trying to come out of my body. I kept poking it back in. That morning I woke up to mild cramping. At work I noticed spotting...faint brown. I called the doc immediately and soon found myself on the table for an ultrasound.

My glimmer of hope was to see the flicker of a heartbeat. The reality was an empty sac. They told me my dates were probably off. The baby looked 5 weeks. In my heart I knew it wasn't because I did ovulation tests. I knew my dates. They had me do a blood draw that would be repeated two days later to check my hormone levels. I spotted more frequently through the night, still brown.

The next day was the worst experience of my life.

I woke up to complete tightness of my lower abdomen. As I got ready for work, I told my husband that I was sure the baby was gone. After my spotting turned to bright red bleeding with small clots, I was back in the office. At this point my boobs had gone back to normal, they no longer felt full. My body had felt as it had unwound itself out of pregnancy mode.

There was nothing to be found of the u/s. My sac had left on its own...the tech told me that my body had recognized it and had done it naturally.

I was so sad, angry, frustrated and numb as I left the office. That night I passed what seemed to be a gigantic bloody piece of tissue, which made me completely lose my emotions again.

It's now been two days and I'm feeling better going forward. My body was wise to do it early, and I'm grateful that it was strong enough to do it on it's own. I've learned to embrace this...there is hope! Old sperm and old egg were able to meet before, and they will meet again! I will keep you all posted as I get my next period, and we travel the journey again to motherhood :)