I had found out about my first pregnancy in December of 2015 and I miscarried January 29, 2016. I was depressed for quite a while after that, especially because I lost my grandma 2 months later. But in the midst of all the sadness my husband and I still planned our wedding and got hitched a short 5 months later. Doing that brought up my spirits and gave me hope again.

Fast forward to march of this year (2017) hubby and I decided it was time to try again. We were so excited! I admit I was a bit nervous to try again after already losing one, but everyone kept saying how normal it is to miscarry your first time.

With only ttc for 2 months we found out Father's Day weekend that we were expecting and we were just over the moon! We told our family's right away (after last time I really found it helpful to have support so I don't mind telling family and close friends that we were expecting so early on). I immediately called my ob to make an appt and they got me in that week. I know a lot of people had said "wow, they usually don't see you until your 8 weeks." But I think since my last scare they got us in fast. I felt on top of this pregnancy, like nothing could go wrong.

My first appt they asked when my lmp was, which which was May 14th, putting me at 5 weeks edd of February 18, 2018 (a day after my birthday!) They then did an ultrasound... then they did a transvaginal u/s... then they ordered blood work. I can't say that I wasn't scared after this. They saw nothing, but that my uterus was all prepped and ready for a baby just no sac. The dr said not to worry I'm just earlier than I thought. I did blood work and a follow up appt the following week. This time still no sac, but they said my numbers were good. Now I'm on Monday July 10th, I have another u/s and then another transvaginal u/s still no sac. This puts me at 8 weeks since my lmp or 6 weeks if I just "ovulated late". The dr just orders more blood work. I had felt something was wrong, it was just a gut feeling, but I had it from that very first appt when they saw no sac. But when someone has hope for you, especially a dr, you hold on to that hope!

So literally, the following day at about 8:30pm (July11th) I started having the most severe pain I have ever felt in my life! My husband starts panicking because I run to the bathroom to throw up, but I can't. I'm rocking back and forth just moaning in pain. My hands start to go numb, my whole body gets hot and sweaty. I'm to the point where I cannot move. Every movement causes more and more pain. He calls 911. After getting to the hospital at 10pm it took 8 hours before actually performing my surgery! Let me tell you in those 8 hours of agonizing pain I literally thought I was dying. I wish that pain on no one!

Well here I am finally home from the hospital with a nasty scar on my lower abdomen. Intense pain meds and antibiotics next to me and a drain still coming out of me. This is what I have left of my second pregnancy 😞 I still don't know why the dr kept telling me I was "just that early" when he did a total of 5 ultrasounds and never saw a thing and still didn't realize that it was an ectopic pregnancy! Went from one day of him checking me to the next where my Fallopian tube ruptured.

I'm now so scared to try again. In time I pray that I get the courage! Hubby and I just want our rainbow baby 🌈

(I just wanted to share my story, I've been put on bed rest for the next 2-6 weeks. I've just been losing my mind. All these emotions and thinking what went wrong, I felt I needed to share and get it out of me. Thank you to anyone who read this all the way through. I know it was long.)