Getting discouraged

Nakia • 30 Had 4 miscarriages over the last 7 years. 2018 happy accident lol due November 2 hoping for my rainbow.
After getting preg in 1O/2012 then miscarry 12/2012 had a D&C I became discouraged then in 11/2014 I became preg again only to miscarry again 01/2015 had to take cytotec to pass baby. After my miscarriage in 2012 it took almost 6 mths for my cycle to start again, but after my 2015 miscarriage my cycle started 02/2015 On the 2nd and again on the 27 th, according to my calendar I should either have a cycle or a positive test and neither has happened I have tested 3 times in 2 weeks..... I had spotting 5 days ago. Feeling very broken and lost, any words of wisdom out there?