I was upset today.

I got my BFP yesterday (TTC #2) and did a digital clear blue this morning at 4am which was also positive but at the same time as the wonderful words "Pregnant 1-2" flashed up in the display screen I was sitting on the toilet bleeding. Not a huge amount. But I am pretty positive it's an early miscarriage. I know some people bleed in the early days. But I just had a feeling.

I went to see my doctor who told me I just have to wait pretty much. Test again next week. Hope the bleeding stops etc etc.

Then I was driving home from my doctors appointment, feeling sad about my "bad day" thinking why why why does this have to happen. Why could not we just have had the chance to have one day to get excited about our BFP when I had to pull in to let a car come through. A hearse. It was full to the brim with beautiful flowers, colours, balloons. But no coffin. Then the second hearse came through. Followed by four beautiful horses pulling a white carriage. In the carriage was a tiny pink coffin. The coffin was no more than one metre long.

My hands went up to my face in sheer sadness. My jaw dropped open. It was like I froze on the spot at the sight of that tiny pink coffin placed so perfectly inside that beautiful carriage.

Then I realised my bad, sad day was probably a day in paradise compared to the day the parents of this little girl were having. My point is...I don't know what my point is. I'm just feeling really grateful for my "bad day" now.

I wiped my tears away. Went home. Got my daughter ready, picked my husband up from work (luckily he has his own business so he can come and go as he pleases) and we went to the farm to see the animals, we fed our daughters snacks to the chickens which she loved. She tried her first ever ice cream. She sat on the big tyre swing with her Daddy and we talked about what we will do for her first birthday and talked about what sunscreen we will buy for our daughter for our upcoming honeymoon in Sardinia.

There are so many people who'd love to have my "bad day".