I don't know

Will you ever find that person that you love and that loves you back. Will there ever be that guy who doesn't hurt you? I've been with this guy for a long time. We started dating when I was 16 and now I'm 18. He was sweet, passionate, kind, loving, caring. One day he became a horrible monster. Hurting me, calling me names, hitting me, raping me, calling me the abusive one. Making me cry so much with just his words and than after he calmed down he'd be sweet again and I would go back to him. I love him but I don't know why.